Wired to Love and Be Loved — Part 2: Gender Differences

In Part Two of the Wired to Love and Be Loved series, we continue exploring the psychology of relationships by looking at gender differences in social and emotional development—where those differences come from, why they matter, and how misunderstanding them often creates unnecessary pain and confusion in marriage.

In Part One, we focused on attachment: how human beings bond, why emotional connection matters so deeply, and how early experiences quietly shape the way we love as adults.

This episode builds directly on that foundation.

Why Men and Women So Often Miss Each Other Emotionally

One of the most common struggles couples face isn’t a lack of love—it’s a lack of understanding.

Many women feel emotionally alone in their relationship.
Many men feel overwhelmed, confused, or shut down.

And both often assume something is wrong with the other person.

But what if these struggles aren’t personality flaws at all?

What if they’re the natural outcome of how boys and girls are wired—and raised—very differently from the beginning?

In this episode, I explain a missing piece that often leads to misunderstanding men:
boys are not only physically stronger than girls, they are also emotionally intense. Not emotionally fragile—but emotionally powerful.

Because emotional intensity combined with physical strength can be dangerous, boys have historically been taught discipline:

• to control emotions

• to process internally

• to act only when it serves the group

That training shapes how men handle stress, conflict, and emotional confrontation later in life—especially in intimate relationships with women.

When we don’t understand this, we often misinterpret male withdrawal as indifference, and female pursuit as irrationality. Neither is true.

How Early Experiences Shape Adult Relationships

This episode also revisits attachment theory, showing how early caregiving experiences set the baseline for anxiety, avoidance, or security in adult relationships—for women and for men.

You’ll hear:

• why girls are typically encouraged to express emotion and seek help

• why boys often learn to delay emotion and solve problems on their own

• how these differences create predictable adult patterns, especially the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic

• why emotional disconnection becomes the most common—and painful—marital struggle

Most importantly, you’ll learn why these patterns are understandable, changeable, and not permanent.

Your differences are not liabilities.
They are assets—when you learn how to work with them instead of against them.

Watch the Full Episode

In the episode below, I walk through this framework slowly and clearly, including:

• the missing piece about boys’ emotional development that often gets overlooked

• why men process emotions internally and women process relationally

• how early attachment experiences shape adult intimacy

• why pursuer–withdrawer patterns are so common in marriage

• how understanding replaces blame and restores hope

If you’ve ever wondered why the two of you keep missing each other emotionally—even when you both care deeply—this conversation may help things finally make sense.