The Psychology of Relationships: Becoming Attached

May 21, 2024
 

In Part 1 of 2, I explain how we develop our personal styles of relating to others and give you a free tool to help you understand your own style. Some couples seem to really do well together, whereas others struggle constantly in a negative cycle of interactions. What personality type (that is, attachment style) is most likely to get stuck in a negative cycle?

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The Marriage Trap

If you're feeling trapped in your marriage, and nothing you've tried has worked, chances are it's not a lack of effort. It’s simply because one essential piece of the puzzle has been missing. 

Most couples have tried everything they can think of to fix their marriage.

They've read books, attended seminars, gone on retreats, and tried counseling.
But nothing has changed. In many ways, it feels like it's only getting worse.

If that describes you and/or your mate, the problem isn’t a lack of effort
— it’s that one essential piece of the puzzle has been missing: The Real You!

You matter! You are the missing piece! 
When things start to go sideways in your marriage, 
you each start changing yourselves in one of two ways.

— You feel frustrated and disappointed. So you keep trying to talk everything through to make it right again. It doesn't work, but you don't give up. You start losing your self-confidence. Everything you think, do, and feel centers around holding your marriage together. And the real you disappears.

— You feel confused and powerless. You're doing the best you can, but your mate isn't satisfied with your efforts. It isn't long before you start backing up. You get smaller and smaller in the relationship. Everything you think, do, and feel is about avoiding conflict. And the real you disappears. 

It happens to everyone at one time or another.
But when it becomes a way of life, you feel trapped in your marriage. 

But you don't have to figure it out alone — you don't have to stay stuck. 

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